Coming 2 terms with dissapointments and changing the dissapointments to possitive thoughts instead !!

Well i feel like i am a puppy chasing his tail and never catching it just going round andround in circles.What am i talking about u must be thinking well after another attempt on LT my blood sugars have crashed and now i am not able to Ss 4 the momment.

Well after i had a hypo i felt crappy phyisiscally and emotionally and was feeling very sorry for myself to the extent i would not even go on MiniMins as i felt like such a failure.
2 days on i have pulled myself together and given myself a stern talking 2 and have realised that its not the end of the world that i can Ss at the momment

In my life i am unhappy with so many aspects and i now realise and acknowledge that i am in control of my life and only i can make changes to improve my life and make me feel happy and content.

My weight probs/issues at he momment seem to stop me doing anything with my life ut i need to change that as of now and work on many aspects of my life.

1) I need to find diet suitable to my needs and stick to it
2) I need to accept that it coukd take 2yrs plus to finally get 2 a normal weight.
3) Be happy with small but regular losses
4) Start making possitive changes in my lifestyle
5) Work on learning to love and accept myself and be happy with the person i am and acknowledging that there is alot more 2 me than my phyisical self
6)Start living life again and not worry abput other peoples comments concerning my size i am a human and i derserve to live my life as much as anyone else does !!!!!!!

I have bought some motivational books to help me overcome my emotional eating problems and also to learn to accept and love my body no matter what size i am also to change my way of thinking to a positive strong woman.
I am really looking forward to receiving theses books and having a good read.
I will change my life, i know its not going to happen overnight and will take time but every day that i make an effort to change my life and be positive is a good day for me.

End of day 1 on LT !!

Well today i re started Lt and i was pleased i was given another chance to try a vlcd.Well i have been really good and drunk 4.5 ltrs of water and had all 3 packs infact i split the last 2 packs into 4 so i could spread them out over the day.
Well i have done really well but around 7 pm i started to feel a big weird never checked my sugars and was just feeling a bit weak and my hands felt clammy well i hope that i am just feeling weak and nothing more.

I am sooo determined to do this and loose weight as i am desperate to change my life i dont want to live this life no more i want to start living again and being proud of myself and to be honest i cant remember when i last felt like that.

Am going to have an early night and looking forward to day 2 of my new journey.

Why do i do this 2 myself !!

Why do i hate myself so much that i constantly abuse myself with food !!!


When i get given a chance to try and change my life i dont follow the rules and mess it up as i think i know best !!!
As u read this u must be wondering "what the hell is this mad woman talking about!!!"
Well the last few times i have done a vlcd i have had probs with low blood sugars and was taken off Cd and the pharmacist at LT said i had to stop as well,i have been racking by brains to think why this happens 2 me only when i do a vlcd diet and it was bugging me so much the last few days to the extent that i hardly slept last night and i relised that the one thing that everyone says to u that is sooo important on a vlcd is drink drink and drink more water,drinking water has always been a prob 4 me hence suffering from bad water retention and the last 2 times i have been on a vlcd i will be lucky if i drunk 1/2 a ltr of water a day if that so allthe ketones in my system most prob caused the low blood sugars,and its all my damm fault !!!

Well i rang up the pharmacist the other day and confessed to him about the water situation and nhe said i can try again on Lt but i must promise to drink the necessary water and keep a close eye on things.

So on Monday i will restart Lt again and this time follow it to the "T" and make sure i drink 4 ltrs a day no matter what.
My food intake is out of control at the momment i am not bingeing but eating at least 2000 cals aday and thats a joke i am just adding to my enormous body.
I am disgusted with myself that i am not in control over what i put on my body !!

How do i feel !!

Well last night i had probs sleeping and i was thinking how do i honestly feel about not being able to do a vlcd well i feel gutted and the reason why is becuase if i am 2 be honest is that i keep on reading how much weight everybody is losing on vlcd and there will be me just plodding along. I am trying to get rid of that mentality and not think like that,but i am determined to lose weight and if this time next year i could be 10 stone lighter then i will be contented.

I weigh just under 28 stone now and i wont get weighed on an accurate scale now till i either get my app with the obeisty clinic or i get back to Sw whcih wont be till mid Jan and i get a car then i will go regular each week.I am going to be very strict with myself and not go off the rails food wise.

When i get a new car in jan then i am going to look for some part time work also some voluntary work would like to do some voluntary work in a homeless shelter.
For many years i have wanted to go back to study but going to college was not possible as i could not manage the stairs and i have tried it on a few occasions.I have wanted to go to uni eventually and study either Social work or housing,after inverstigating the courses a bit more i think i want to do the hosuing course and i would like to work as a housingsupport worker for people with mental health probs,so i need to find voluntary work in jan to get a reference 2 get on to the course.

I need to work on my self confidence and learn to love and accept myself for who i am on the inside" a good kind caring loving woman" and not just see the experior me.
I have 2 chane my life in so mnay ways and today is the start for me. !!

A LIttle about me !!

I am Roch and i am a moderator on this amazing site Minimins which has been a lifeline for me recently.I have been obese all my life and i think the trigger for me starting emotional eating was the death of my beautiful mum when i was 8 and she was 36 when she died of Breast Cancer.
My loving grandparents (mums parents) adopted me and my brother and i lived with them.At the age of 12 i weighed 13 stone and was very unhappy, my grandfather was a perfectionist and my weight was an issue with him all my life.I convinced them that i wanted to go to a boarding school in Israel with my friend as they aggreed as we have alot of close family in Israel.I was very happy there but still carried on gaining weight at an alarming weight of a stone a year.
When i was 16 i had to come home back to the Uk as my beautiful grandmother was now suffering from Breast Cancer and died just a few months later and that devastated me and i could not cope with life and at the same time as my grandmother dying of Cancer my grnadfather needed open heart surgery neither one of them would go into hospital without each other as they were so devoted to each other.
My grandfather came through his surgery to find out his wife had died and he fell apart emotionally, so at 16 i was on my own and just found solace in food day in and day out,this pattern just carried on through my entire life.
In 1992 my beautiful son aaron was born and he is now 14 yrs old,he is my life i have raised him on my own since he was 2 and he is the reason why i cant give up on life.
He has missed out on so much because of my weight and i feel so guitly about this.
I have tried Vlcd diets on many occasions and am no longer able to do them tempoararily as i am having probs with low blood sugar levels.I feel very upset and depressed but know i cant allow myself to spiral down and down and i have to now take control of my life, stop feeling sorry for myself and accept that i have been obese all my life and if it takes me 2 years to lose my weight and change my life then so be it.
Today is day 1 of me making small but positive changes in my life and to stop abusing my body with food and start treating it as a temple.